CHAPTER THREE
HOW WE GET LIMITING BELIEFS AND WHERE THEY COME FROM?
Initially, at birth, and for some time thereafter, we apparently believed that we
were one with our mother. Then, we picked up and adopted the belief that we were
separate from her and other parts of existence. As a result, in our interactions
with members of our family, friends, teachers, and people with whom we work, we formed
other limiting beliefs and defined our boundaries. We have unawarely programmed the
limiting beliefs that we have in our subconscious minds.
As small children, we were very dependent on some powerful giants, our parents and
other adults, who may have been five times our height and ten times our size. They
were awesome. We desired to be loved, but at times our demands for love and attention,
or our cries for help came when our parents were beset with problems of their own,
or had their attention on other matters. Sometimes they may have responded to us
with irritation and an admonition, "You are nothing but trouble," "You
are such a bother," You can't do anything for yourself," "You are
such a mess," "You are bad," "I don't know why we ever had you,"
etc.
In times of need or stress, we are likely to take in and unawarely program these
remarks along with the emotions that accompany them in our computer-like, subconscious
belief files. The greater their emotional impact, the more likely we were to unawarely
make them part of our belief structure.
The storage process is quite similar to the way we store data on a computer, particularly
if we have one connected to a FAX machine and aren't always monitoring what comes
in. Key data gets stored without us being fully aware or recognizing that it is there.
To change it, we have to learn how to enter the computer and re-program it.
We acquire limiting beliefs not only in our childhood, but throughout our lives.
During our adolescence, the remarks or attitudes of our peers may be filed in our
subconscious minds. Remarks such as "We don't want you on our side," "You
never say or do the right thing," "You don't have what it takes,"
"You can't be trusted," "You're a scaredy cat," "You don't
fit in," etc. The negative connotations can and often are programmed as limiting
beliefs. Thus, we may struggle throughout much of our lives trying to create a social
image to cover up the deficiencies which we've allowed to be planted and feel deep
within. It is from this inner, subconscious structure, this pattern of self definition,
that we create our vibrations and our consequent experiences in life. We have programmed
our belief structure and it defines the type of person that we are.
OUR BASIC, SUBCONSCIOUS BELIEFS AND OUR FACADE
As we live our lives with negative feelings and beliefs, we are likely to try to
compensate for them by constructing a facade. At a conscious level we may endeavor
to be helpful and organized, to be self reliant and confident, to appear "good"
and to show through our words and actions that we are trustworthy, capable individuals.
Yet, our basic vibrations come from the subconscious beliefs that we hold, particularly
the ones we have about ourselves. These are the ones which determine our basic vibrations
and the probability of having particular types of experience in life no matter how
well we have constructed our facades.
Sam, for example, knew the mechanics of selling to a "T". He was also good
at breaking the ice with a prospect, but his sales volume was lower than that of
several of the sales people who appeared to have far less skill. When he found and
changed his subconscious beliefs about he own inadequacy and lack of self worth,
he became less pushy and his sales volume soared. Another interesting change was
that he became much more accepted as a member of the team.
Then there was Jackie, who was a compulsive show off, and would do almost anything
to get attention. She succeeded in being the center of attention, but behind the
facade, she was lonely and had few real friends. As she found and changed some of
her limiting beliefs about not being lovable, her coldness, and of being shallow,
she became more willing to share the limelight, and developed some close friendships.
As human beings we undoubtably developed our minds over the millennia to provide
very necessary functions. As we and our minds became more complex, adding and refining
characteristics such as integrity, will, intuition, temperament, guilt or shame,
courage, compassion, personality, spontaneity, imagination, memory, etc., it became
necessary to preprogram qualities and functions. Without doing so we'd have to make
fresh decisions regarding each of our characteristics moment by moment throughout
the day. We'd be swamped with decisions, and have little time to observe and interact
with the world and people around us. By programming these key aspects of ourselves
in our subconscious minds, we provided consistency and freed ourselves from having
to make fresh decisions about each of our many qualities at every interaction. Our
subconscious programs are based on the beliefs we hold, particularly the ones we
have about ourselves.
Our social characteristics, our facade, may be very different from the basic characteristics
we have programmed in our subconscious minds. To the degree that they are different,
we are likely to feel "uncentered" or "incongruent." The discrepancy
varies widely among individuals.
Obviously, we've programmed many positive beliefs along with their positive emotions
in our subconscious minds. From these we create vibrations and experiences which
align with and forward our purposes, and fulfill our desires in life. However, the
limiting beliefs along with their negative emotions that we have programmed subconsciously
lead us to create experiences which we don't want and which impede us in having those
we really do want.
We endeavor to create the most favorable facade that we can, even though the feedback
we may be getting intuitively or through what we are experiencing contradicts the
social image we are trying to project. Thus, it is vitally important to find and
change the limiting beliefs and emotions that we've programmed in our subconscious
so that we can become more aligned, congruent and centered. Then we will create more
of the experiences we want.
| We create our facade, i.e. the way we'd like to be perceived in our conscious minds. | Our basic characteristics, from which our vibrations stem, are programmed in our subconscious minds. Some of these, as revealed by our experiences, may be limiting. | |
| QUALITY | FACADE | SUBCONSCIOUS PROGRAM |
| Integrity | highly principled | devious, unprincipled |
| Temperament | cool, collected | hot, seething |
| Courage | bold, impulsive | fearful, indecisive |
| Self Trust | certain, assertive | uncertain, doubtful |
| Spontenaity | extemporaneous | forced-calculated |
| Personality | warm, friendly | cold, suspicious |
| Self-image | charming, alluring | repulsive, repugnant |
| Creativity | vivid imagination | dull, literal |
| Originality | fresh, inventive | plagarizer, copier |
| Generosity | magnaminous, giving | miserly, stingy |
| Self-esteem | admirable, virtuous | shameful, disgraceful |
| Likability | warm, sincere | cold, insincere |
| Lovability | affectionate, intimate | uncaring, removed |
| Initative | drive | complacent, apathetic |
| Responsibility | reliable | careless, negligent |