CHAPTER ONE
REALIZING OUR ASPIRATIONS

Most of us have considerable ability to adapt and try to make the best of life as we encounter it. Yet, this is not always enough for our fulfillment. There are times when we feel an urge to experience life in more depth and with a greater sense of excitement. We may want to express ourselves in ways that are more intimate and more creative. We may have a desire to expand by breaking out of fixed and limited patterns. There may be times when we encounter failures and experience dissatisfactions with ourselves or the circumstances of our lives which we need and want to change.

The intensity of these desires depends on the strength of our aspirations, i.e. how much we want to know, and how intensely we want to experience and feel our lives. One form of aspiration--literally--in which we're constantly engaged is breathing. It is vital. If it were to be interrupted, we'd take immediate action. Yet, we often fail to recognize that other forms of aspiring, such as wanting to have a fuller, richer and more fulfilling life or gaining greater understanding of ourselves and the universe are just as vital. As Socrates once said, "The unexamined life is not worth living," or as Maslow cautioned, "If you deliberately plan to be less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be deeply unhappy for the rest of your life."


REALIZING OUR POTENTIAL--ELIMINATING BOUNDARIES

In theory we may recognize that our potential is unlimited. But in actuality, we have subconsciously set definite limits that confine our lives. While we may sometimes fantasize about having great accomplishments, or exciting adventures, we 'know' in our heart of hearts that these are just dreams, and in fact beyond our reach. So they remain just unfulfilled dreams. We may have experienced brief times of awareness and excitement when we expanded and operated beyond these limits, but we didn't sustain the state. As you read this paragraph, perhaps some aspirations that you have or have had will come to mind. As these occur to you, write them down for future reference. Recognizing and pursuing what really excites you in life is very important. So is changing the limiting beliefs you may harbor which keep you from identifying and realizing your aspirations.


MY ASPIRATIONS AND WHAT REALLY EXCITES ME IN LIFE

We set our own boundaries and limits. In fact, what we genuinely believe to be possible for us, defines the boundaries of what is possible for us. Unconsciously we may have adopted beliefs that limit our potential for growth and expansion, or that create insurmountable obstacles blocking the way of achieving what we really want. If so, then our aspirations become just unrealistic dreams.

My wife and I take frequent evening walks. Often, in the course of one of them a friendly cat will emerge from a yard and rub against our legs to invite some petting. One such cat, whom we call Suzie, is so affectionate that as we continue on our walk, she refuses to leave us, and purrs and rubs against our legs as we try to go on. We often spend considerable time 'shusshing' her back to her yard. One day, however, when we were in a hurry, we went on walking without taking the usual time encouraging her to go home. As we continued, we were relieved to see that Susie only went so far, to some boundary invisible to us, and went no further. On subsequent walks we verified that Suzie always stopped there, apparently believing that it was safe to only go so far.

It isn't intended to be a 'catty' remark to say that all of us have boundaries which limit what we are willing and able to be, do or have in our lives. These invisible barriers or leashes restrain us, keeping us from realizing our full potentials. Not only do they limit our aspirations, so we don't breathe as much excitement into our lives as we might, but they also limit our actions and accomplishments as well. Even as you read this, you may recall ambitions and hopes you've had for your own growth which you put aside as "dreams" which were unlikely to ever be fulfilled. Some may seem like losses you'd like to forget. But as you learn to recognize the limiting beliefs that you had which caused or allowed them, these can be transformed into valuable learning experiences. By using this fresh insight, and venting any unexpressed emotions that you had at the time, what seemed impossible will become quite possible. So take a moment to think about the qualities you'd like to bring out or realize more in yourself, such as particular abilities, character, integrity, loyalty, personality, leadership, image, temperament, courage, spontaneity, creativity, lovability, intimacy, reasoning ability, forgiveness, humility, gratitude, willingness to receive, insight, intuition, ability to express yourself, health, etc. As you learn to find and change your limiting beliefs, the probability of being able to achieve them becomes much higher.


LOOKING AT LIFE AS A GAME WITH AIMS

One way to consider life is as a game in which we have aims and attempt to overcome various obstacles to achieve them. The aims generally fall into the categories of having certain desired characteristics, i.e. being a particular type of person, or of doing certain things and accomplishing goals, or of acquiring and having things we want such as possessions or facilities The obstacles may appear to be a lack of knowledge, ability, or opportunity, but underlying these are the limiting beliefs that we have, particularly about ourselves, as to what is possible.

The motivation for each of these aims can vary widely. We may desire to have particular characteristics in order be a more lovable, generous, aware and effective person or in order to better create or perform specific actions. We may want to engage in particular activities or accomplish certain things for the enjoyment of doing them' for personal growth, and/or to achieve status, fame, recognition and power. We may be motivated to acquire facilities and possessions to feel more secure, to gain acceptance or status or simply for the convenience and enjoyment of having them.

Robert D. Ropp in his informative book, The Master Game, humorously categorizes, in imaginative terms, the games people play in life and the aims they have for playing them. He characterizes the game of acquiring wealth or possessions as many people play it, as "The Hog in the Trough Game", a having game in which their aim is to get their noses in the trough as deeply as possible and guzzle as much as they can before the other hogs get it. Another game, he characterizes as the "Cock on the Dunghill Game," a game of doing, which many people play to gain fame and have the sense of power it brings. The game he suggests that can be the most important and fulfilling to play is the Master Game, which has as its aim the awakening of a person to his infinite potential for reasoning, creativity, depth of feeling, love, self expression and both psychic and spiritual insight.


BEING WHO WE REALLY WANT TO BE

Whatever our aspirations and aims may be, each of us operates within boundaries or limitations which are often unidentified. In varying degrees, we learn to accept ourselves as we believe ourselves to be, i.e. possessing certain abilities and operating within various constraints and limitations. Not wanting to set ourselves up for possible losses, we tend to not seriously imagine or visualize possibilities which lie outside of the boundaries of our beliefs.

To bring these limitations into clearer focus, identify your present time, realistic beliefs about what you are able to be, do or have? To identify what your actual boundaries are, a good point of reference is what you are actually being, doing and having now. To what degree would you like to expand these boundaries, and for each one, what do you feel is limiting you? Write down what comes to mind.

For each of us, certain activities or games are more interesting, exciting or challenging than others. While we all like to achieve our objectives, the moment of achievement is very brief. We live our lives, learn our lessons and achieve our growth in the process of getting there. The degree of satisfaction we are likely to get from our lives depends much more on how we play the games than on the outcomes themselves. There is much truth in the adage, "It's not whether you won or lost, but how you played the game that matters!"

What you are being determines how you play the games of life. You probably know of people who are very forceful and domineering and others who invite participation and sharing; some who are greedy and others who are generous; and those who pursue their goals with self-centered and unfeeling attitudes and others who do so with empathy, consideration and caring. There are people who use devious means and others who use straightforward ones. Some have violent, assertive temperaments, and others are calm and cooperative. We encounter people who have a high degree of self esteem and self confidence and others who lack it. There are those who are riddled with doubt and fear and others who are certain and courageous. There are some who cheat or take advantage of people while others have principles, honor agreements and respect other's rights.

We may experience feelings of warmth and closeness when we are around loving people and of coolness and distance with others who seem to be filled with hate and negativity. We may admire and be inspired by people who are spontaneous' thoughtful or creative, and sometimes feel bored with those who lack these qualities.

Obviously, we have some choice over the type person that we are being. We can consciously make changes in our appearance, our habit patterns, and how we behave with others. In a sense, however, these changes are cosmetic. Another level of choice, which we could call intrinsic, involves how we conceive of and express our innermost selves. We can always put on a new mask, but if we subconsciously believe that we are stuck with the way we are, with the characteristics we have; and that we can't make basic changes in our nature; then we will be hemmed in or constrained by these beliefs. They will in fact determine our limitations.

The story is sometimes told of how certain primitive tribes caught fish. They wove long reeds together to form a lattice and laid it on the surface of the lake. When the sun was overhead, the shadows of the lattice extended from the top to the bottom of the lake, creating underwater what looked like a fence or a cage. As the natives pulled the lattice along the surface, the fish, to escape this apparently moving cage, swam desperately in front of it. As the shadows moved toward the shore, the fish beached themselves, and the natives caught them. While the barriers by which we limit our lives may seem very real, they are unlikely to have any more substance than the shadows which trapped the fish.